did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
