It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
