I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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