when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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