My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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