we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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