i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
