I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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