Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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