I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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