he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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