i would punch a child for taco bell
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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