I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
