i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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