I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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