I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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