on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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