whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
