took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
