He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
