I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
