...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
