I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize