She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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