How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
