If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
