so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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