I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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