member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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