I could have mohawked her pubes.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
