its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
