Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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