I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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