i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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