There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
