I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
