omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
