i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
