I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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