you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
