how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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