i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
