I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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