Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I want her autograph on my taint
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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