You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
