Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
