Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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