i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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