i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
