seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
