Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
