When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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