when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
