Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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