I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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