Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
