My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
