i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize