Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
