So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
