You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
