How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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