im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's blow job season.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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