I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
