Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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