Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
