Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
