I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
