Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
