i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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