Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
