I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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