Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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