Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
