A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
