She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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