You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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