And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
