im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
