on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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