At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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