So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
