Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
