can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
