In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize