I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
